In the boat together

There's a prolific scene in the movie Titanic where the band continues to play while the ship is sinking. If they know the ship is sinking, do they continue because their employers want it? because they are avoiding such terror by distracting themselves with something banal? because of their commitment to making music in spite of their world ending? because it is all they could choose to do in the face of terror?

I'm caught in how much this is an apt scene for how things feel right now. Is the boat sinking for research and scholarship in the United States? If so, what motivates the choices we make to continue doing what we're trained to do? what we're passionate about? Do these things matter relative to the fear of the moment?

Universities would have you believe that what remains motivating is some sort of commitment to the institution or "because you're paid to do it." That's bs, of course. Certain institutions might engender such faith, but most don't. Are we free to choose our passions at this moment then? or does that seem selfish relative to all the other areas where we can choose to protest or serve people?

(I realize in writing this that the notion of doing something for yourself being equated with selfishness is a persistent affliction of me growing up Catholic that I still have to kick.)

Universities would also have you believe that you find motivation in the "big picture" questions in your field. These things can be inspiring in the short term, but are often not that motivating in the long run. Instead, it seems to be how much we connect with others around our interests that seems to motivate me. Am I regularly making progress on some interesting research topic? Am I spending time each week talking about my field with colleagues? with other experts? with long-time friends? Am I helping students in a lab work on their data analysis issues? These are also the things providing me some sense of purpose.

And so maybe it isn't a sense of duty that kept the band playing on the bridge of the Titanic, or some vague notion that they were committed to beauty amidst terror. Maybe it was just a commitment to support each other still playing that gave them motivation and purpose. Maybe it is always about others.